Ego
The word ego can mean different things to different people. It is one of those words that is often redefined, like “love” or “art” or “beauty.” For purposes of this installment, I am defining ego as the boundary we create in the seen world between what is me and what is not me.
As humans, we are born dependent on other humans for our survival. For the first few years of our life, we live in an undifferentiated whole, not distinguishing between self and other. Early in life, we develop a framework of “attachment,” the sense that we have needs and whether those needs are consistently or inconsistently met. At some point before 4 or 5 years old, we begin to separate our unified world into two categories: me and not me. This is the beginning of what we call ego – the boundary that separates our interior world from our exterior world.
In addition, because of the slow development of our brains, the human species’ length of childhood and adolescence is almost twice as long as other primates. See this article for a recent study investigating why this might be. During that long stage of dependency, we take in information from our environment (caregivers and others) that shapes the way we see the world and our understanding of how it operates.
Our ego can be a very useful tool for navigating the world we experience. And it can also be a harmful tool when malformed or when we over-identify with it and forget our spiritual essence.
Deeper Inquiry
One way to look at ego and its structure is to compare it to a living cell. Cells have many parts, but for our discussion let’s focus on two of its parts: the cell nucleus and the cell membrane. The nucleus of a cell contains DNA and is the control center of the cell, providing the drive and direction of the function and production of the cell. The membrane of a cell regulates what enters and what leaves the cell, acting as a gate-keeper to allow in substances helpful for cell life and growth and to move out substances toxic to cell life and growth. Our egos work in much the same way: the nucleus is our spiritual essence and the membrane is the boundary between what we see as “our presence in the world” and what we see as “not our presence in the world.” What we consider “me” and what we consider “not me.”
Here are three ways we can cause harm in the world as spiritual beings with egos in the physical world. A blocked nucleus can create harm in two ways. A blocked nucleus is a nucleus that somehow does not direct the activities of the cell and membrane. The cell forgets its purpose and spiritual essence and is left with habituated responses to the environment around it. Left without direction from its essence, the cell usually drifts into one of two extremes, either puffing itself up by taking in only positive data from the environment or shrinking itself down by taking in only negative data from the environment. The first extreme, puffing itself up with positive data, results in an inflated ego that is often labeled narcissism – the inability to have a balanced view of oneself because ego has overtaken spiritual essence. When this happens, we become the most important thing in the world and everything and everyone else is devalued. The second extreme, shrinking itself down with negative data, results in a shrunken ego that is often labeled dependence – the inability to have a balanced view of oneself because the environment has overtaken spiritual essence. When this happens, we fail to show up for ourselves, jettisoning our purpose in life for just getting by. Each of these two extremes within one’s ego then creates imbalance in the physical, emotional, intellectual and social worlds of the individual.
The third way we can cause harm in the world as spiritual beings with egos in the seen world is to block the membrane. In other words, over-identify as an individual cell, not acknowledging the interdependence of the cell and the environment. This condition is generated by fear – the cell membrane becomes less porous in an attempt to lock out the negative in the environment without understanding that becoming less porous also locks out the positive in the environment. Attempting to be a closed system as a living organism leads first to suffering and ultimately to death. Life requires an open system. Balanced life requires a system where nutrients are received and toxins are eliminated. Any imbalance in the system creates suffering for the organism and the environment in its proximity and ultimately death. Not only must our “ego membrane” function well in connection to our environment, our “ego nucleus” must function well in connection to our Source. A healthy horizontal connection and a healthy vertical connection.
Creating breakthroughs
In closing, here are some statements that I know to be true for me. Test them out in your heart to see if they ring true to you:
- An ego is necessary for our Spirit to navigate the physical world in our bodies.
- While our ego is formed in childhood, it is malleable and we are able to improve it under the direction of our consciousness.
- Our spiritual essence is contained in the nucleus of our ego and, when healthy, it informs our inner world and directs our engagement with the outer world.
- Over-inflated, under-inflated and obstructed are three ways our ego can create suffering for ourselves and the world.
This is part 8 of a 12-part series. I would love to hear from you at challenges@thomascapshew.com I have not yet selected the topic for my next installment so if you have any ideas, please share with me! May your path be filled with health, joy, clarity and Love! Tom